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The Lay Down

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. Honestly, it’s because I don’t like to force my writing. If things come, they come, if they don’t-oh well!

Now, we’ve recently weened our 18 month baby from nursing down to sleep-it was oh so easy to put the baby down and oh so easy for my hubby to just pass me the baby and say, “Bed time, he’s all yours.”

But my, my how the times have changed in recent weeks. The lay down technique for everyone is different, and these are what we’ve tried:

THE CRY IT OUT: Its exactly what it sounds like. My husband and I cry for the umpteenth time while the baby out wits us when we just go plop him in his crib like potatoes.

THE MIRACLE MILE: Where you just walk. Endlessly until baby falls asleep. You lay them down, they stay asleep, it’s a fucking miracle. But how long you walk is up to your tiny dictator. Don’t ask questions. Just do it. Good arm work out as well. 

THE CRAZY CRADLE: Where you bundle your little poo boss and just sit and rock like you are in an insane asylum. Which parenting pretty much is. Nuts.

Now for the dismount:

NINJA NIGHT: You gently lay your, by now sweaty and angry,  sleeping baby down without a hitch. You walk on your tip toes, close to the base boards as to not creak the floor until you get to the door where you, with kitten like softness close the door without a sound. You keep holding your breath until you are an entire floor away-then you can breathe your well deserved sigh of relief.

THE RED CARPET: I hate myself when this happens. Bambino is finally asleep and snug as a bug. You lean over the crib rail, the blanket gets caught and your baby rolls out like, yes, you guessed it, the red carpet at a fancy event. Or a Fruit Roll-Up. Sometimes you get lucky without them waking up. Sometimes you go back to Step 1. It’s 50/50.

THE HOVER: It doesn’t matter how you got to this point but baby is in the crib. The thing is, as soon as your baby doesn’t feel you near them they squawk. But you lay a gentle hand on them, they snore. This can go back and for an unknown time. Just be ready for quick thinking. If you commit to leaving the room, do it like a bandaid! Quick and painful and sometimes loud as you shut the door.
And there you have my last few weeks. Rest easy friends.

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The Fake Out

Just when you think, “Hey! My kids don’t totally hate me” or, “I’m a half assed ok parent” because both have slept 2 nights in a row-BAM-ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!

The 5yr old get the attitude and listening skills of a wet mop that’s left in a bucket of pee for a week and the 1yr old refuses to nap…even though we all know he needs to…he knows he needs to…it just DOES. NOT. HAPPEN.

But you know what? I can actually deal with those two.

It’s the man cold that brings the Hubs to his knees. 

All I want to do is get my at home workout done (it’s day 1 of me trying to turn over a healthy leaf…bear with me) when the kids are bellowing and the Hubs is walking around like he’s been pepper sprayed. 

It’s the beginning of the week folks…shits about to get real.

Have a blessed and sparkly day.

Sleepless in Saskatchewan 

It seems as though the hubs and I breed children that don’t like to sleep. No… Let me correct myself-children that don’t like to turn off their beautiful minds at night.

We mostly co-sleep, though not by choice. The 5 yr old will Chuck Norris style bust the door down at 1,2,3 am to let us know she: 1) Loves us 2.) Needs the computer and a snack 3.) Or to tell us we shouldn’t sleep with the door closed. *She might actually have a point there…it would really save us on replacing all the doors she Kool-Aid Mans through*.

Our 1 yr old on the other hand (and I know this because we have a video/motion monitor) will stand up in his crib-take the video monitor, “Blaire Witch” look at it (love the up the nose shots) then Bruce Lee drop kicks it–making the alarm go off.

Now when you see me on the street you will understand the dark circles under the eyes and why I jump if you come up from behind me.

Peaceful dreams friends.

Blog numero uno

I was so excited that I already had one follower! Then I realized, it was myself…isn’t that how life usually goes?

For me it is, most of the time anyway. Especially now that I have little ones . I’m only 30 and sometimes I feel like I’m already out of touch with things-or I’m just that clueless (probably the latter). On the sly I have to hop on the Google and find out what, “I.K.R” is. Then I find out that I shouldn’t be using Google-it should be Bing. Then I think of Cherry Bing ice cream. Then I get hungry.

Throw some bickering in with my husband for good measure and that is my life summed up: kids, looking things up on the world wide web to see what they actually mean, food and my husband.

Not a very riveting first post. But we are just getting started on this journey my friends. Just. Getting. Started.